Drama

It's been a few weeks since I've written, I think? 

So much shit has gone by since then. 

I'm not sure if its made me a better or worse person, but I'm absolutely tired. I'm so tired of all this shit, of all the drama. 

Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything crazy but this is my blog, and I just want somewhere to release everything. 

This is it. 

So much laughter, and sadness has passed by the past few months and it's been a whirlwind of emotions. I think I'm at the bottom part of the roller coaster right now where everything just sucks and I don't feel like doing anything and I really just want to drop off the edge of the world. 

Remember that childhood poem Humpty Dumpty? 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, 

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again. 

I'm Humpty Dumpty. I had that great fall, and now, I truly feel like I can't be put back again. 

I know this is probably just because I'm in a funk and I'll probably be alright again soon but right now, I'm just exhausted. I know I'm not the only one out there and you're probably going 'Stop complaining, there are more people suffering out there.' 

I AM AWARE OF THAT. 

I am, however, also human and humans do tire out. Don't tell me you haven't felt like just falling off the edge once in a while. 

I am also tired of smiling. I am that energetic girl that everyone sees. I want to be that happy-go-lucky, clumsy, funny girl everyone laughs at but I really am not. 

I mean, I am, but that's not really me all the time. And sometimes I really just want to stop being the girl that everyone sees and just break down and cry. 

I have problems. I am not always happy. I want people to stop thinking that I don't have problems. I want people to stop thinking that I am an easy target. I want people to stop thinking that I can be a pushover. Stop. Stop pushing me to the limit. Stop pushing me to the edge because one day, I will blow and when I do, you really wish you didn't push me to the edge. 

I am Humpty Dumpty and I don't need the king's horses or his men to put me together again because I will do that myself. However, don't be that asshole who will push me off that wall because once I put myself back together again, I will find you and push you off that same wall. And I will make sure you never put yourself back together again.