2018 is Ending Soon-ish...?

Man oh man, time flies.

So updating this blog again...

Since my travels, I found myself pretty damn broke so I got myself a job working as a barista at CBTL  and got to learning how to make drinks. Figured it would be a nice new skill that might maybe come in handy in the future?

Also, I talked to my parents and convinced them to let me attend drama school, so I auditioned and got into the school of my choice!!! AGAIN, GOD IS GOOD.

So now, I'm in the midst of applying for my visa and whatnot, and thank God for the agent that is helping me get through all of this because there's really so much work to be done.

Anyway, that means I'm moving to the land of the Koalas (at first this said Kangaroos, but I personally find Koalas more adorable) next February, and I'm honestly really excited about it but at the same time, the closer the date gets, the more freaked out I am kinda getting cause that means I will seriously, truly be alone. And that's just absolutely bewildering. You really don't realize how much you've taken the time you've had with your parents for granted until the time really comes for you to leave them. And I think especially because of the past that I've had with my parents, all the more I realized that we've lost so much precious time over the years over the craziest shit and now, I won't be near them.

I also have this huge fear of having to lose them before I am ready. I just really don't want to be away from them without having that moment of love and reconciliation with them. I really dread the day that I have to lose them... I'm just not ready for that. I really am not. Sometimes they go out too late, and I get really nervous and scared. Perhaps it's the Hypodermic Needle theory coming into play here, but I'm really afraid of receiving a call of bad news about any of my parents, my grandparents, etc. The concept of death is no stranger to me, but yet still, I tremble at the thought of it. I think maybe because I still have so many questions that need to be answered, and things from God I need to hear and be assured of.

I am definitely excited to start a new chapter, something that I can be pushed at doing and be challenged mentally... it's been a long time since that has happened. I guess all in all, I am just conflicted. I know it's going to be a struggle moving away from a place you've grown up your whole life (all 22 years of it!) and getting used to a new place and being alone. I'm just thankful for technology being so advanced that my parents are just a phone call away. I also want to Facetime my grandparents, and family while I'm at it.

Hmm so anyway, the year is kinda coming to a close, we're halfway through November, and that's really strange to me. I just keep thinking about 2018 and what it's really been about for me. I guess it was really a time of awakening, and getting things in order in my life. It was about not being wishy-washy and deciding to advance my life, despite the fears of the future.

I've definitely grown, and am still growing, and there's still a lot of me that I want to improve on. Particularly my walk with God.

I know that I say this every single time, and it is definitely a constant struggle for me - to do my best to discipline myself and do QT every day, and be able to listen for God's voice. I really do want to do this, and I know that it's only me that is stopping myself from doing that, and building on that relationship with God. I know it's absolutely no use for me to constantly whine, then do nothing about it. I really need to get on this. I really do. I really want to pray earnestly, and faithfully, and be open to hearing what God has in store for me. I don't want to fear my future, but embrace it, so long as I know this is the path that God wants me on.

Here's to more.