Running Out of Faith

I used to turn to God so much but recently, it seems that I am falling out of my faith.

Why?

Because of him.
I have never met a bigger hypocrite in my life.
if he calls himself a Christian but acts like an abusive father and husband with a horrible anger management problem.

In front of the public, he makes himself seem like this righteous man who can do no wrong, and then I'm the troubled daughter that he is so tired of trying to help because she's just a lost cause and he's helpless. He doesn't know what to do about me.

When in actual fact, he is the one who has been make me angrier and angrier each day at life.
He is the one who comes home and lashes out at everybody because God forbid, he not be treated like a king at home.
Once one of us don't follow his plan, he begins this horrible attitude like he doesn't care anymore and just fumes at everybody.
GROW UP. YOU'RE MORE THAN 50 YEARS OLD WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A SPOILED 14 YEAR OLD WHO CAN'T GET HIS WAY?
News flash: YOU CAN'T GET YOUR WAY ALL THE TIME.

It really bothers me when he scolds me for throwing a tantrum when I don't get my way. I learnt it from him.
Also, if he could explain nicely at why I cannot get what I want for something, I would graciously accept and be over it. But no. He doesn't do that. He lashes out and screams at me so OF COURSE I WOULD THROW A TANTRUM. Wouldn't you?

I become more and more reluctant to go to church every week because it just makes me feel even out of place. I feel extremely uncomfortable there now, which should not be the case. Church is where you are supposed to be completely comfortable, right?

Also, because of hypocrites like him.
I can't take this anymore. The more I think about him, the more I want to kill myself.

And I've started cutting. So I'm probably on the way there.

I'm going to hell.